Had this mix feeling of what im really looking for in life for the past few days.

Office aside but the main thing is, if its office aside, im really worth nth.

Had beeen wondering if im born in the wrong world or is it my working enviroment that make me think so differently from others. Ure 18 but u look and think like a 20+. This is what i always hear from ppl. Be it frens or relative. Its the same.


Nth really stop me from goin to work or i say even wanted to stop my buisness. Until a few days ago when 1 thought struck me and i even had a plan ready to stop my buisness for half a yr and continue it when 2010 visit me.


I had that thinking, which after a few days, sitting in front of my laptop now, i tot i was CRAZY.


Yes indeed alot ppl may noe i treat life lightly and dun really bother bout anything, afterall im still made up of flesh, blood and of cos heart. No matter what hit me, it take me the most 3 days to be back laughing and making a fool out of myself.


I wonder y, this thing that happen passed lik 1 mth and im still down and moodless when ever i tink of it. Green eyeing the other party, present in between them only make me feel so small and weak. Cigarette comes into my mind when this thing happen. But i wonder how long it can help, i cant keep turning into cigarette to stop all the pain.


I face them almost everyday. Each day pass, each day i feel weaker. Should i run away from it and go to skool as a excuse for being timid? argh shit, goin to skool isnt what i wan oso. From use case to Primary key. SDL to VB i dunno a single thing. i love IB but i hate IT seriously. Days and days im trying to balance this weight inside me. so hard i must say. Pain struck me and tears jus flow lik a running tap wif a damage top.


This quater of my life. i call it, the mask. which i have to change, the old 1 im wearing for 17 yrs. On the number 18 yrs i finally realise its too old to continue using it. Im getting a new one.